I'm not a big fan of awards shows. Celebrities and non-celebrities alike who win awards have lists and lists of names to thank, and not one of them means much to me.

Yet, awards shows also bring out some of the most ad-libbed moments from the sublime to the ridiculous. "The Golden Globes," the poor stepchild of the Oscars, is known for having these moments and there were many Sunday night.

Before the real festivities even started, E! Entertainment had its red carpet coverage in full swing. This year, out were the Rivers' -- Joan and daughter, Melissa -- in was Star Jones Reynolds and Kathy Griffin.

Griffin definitely gets my Biggest Foot In Mouth Award, after she joked that child actress Dakota Fanning would be entering drug rehab and asked nearly everyone if they "had any weed?" Griffin has given herself a total cosmetic makeover, now she needs some work done on her brain.

Natalie Portman gave probably the oddest acceptance speech when she called director Mike Nichols (Diane Sawyer's hubby, by the way), the "wisest daddy-friend, rock star." It sounded like she was channeling the character she played in "Garden State."

Portman was also caught on camera miming the four-letter word that was bleeped out of the scene showed on the screen when announcing the movie, "Closer." Give the kid a break, right? She's only 20.

Meryl Streep was a cut up when she congratulated Portman, albeit tongue-in-cheek, since Portman beat Streep for the Best Supporting Actress award. Portman won for "Closer," Streep was nominated for "The Manchurian Candidate."

Teri Hatcher gets my vote for Most Honest Acceptance Speech. Hatcher thanked ABC, the network that her show "Desperate Housewives" appears on, for "giving me a second chance at a career when I couldn't have been a bigger has-been."

Most Joyous Speech goes to Jamie Foxx. I was a little nervous for Foxx when he started telling the Globes' crowd the same story he conveyed to me when I interviewed him for "Ray" about Ray Charles, who told him he played the wrong note when he met him. But Foxx got more original when he said, "I wish I could take what I'm feeling right now and put it in the water system, and we would all love each other a whole lot more." And any star that gets teary talking about their grandmother gets my vote.

The What Is He Talking About Award? goes to Mick Jagger who compared the song he wrote for "Alfie," which won Best Original Song, to a push-up bra.

The Oddest Accessory To A Tuxedo was Dave Stewart who wore black nail polish to the event.

The Best Reason For Wearing A Designer Dress goes to Glenn Close. She said she wore the gown Geoffrey Beene made for her for a different occasion as a tribute to the designer who passed away last September.

The Biting The Hand That Feeds You Award goes to Robin Williams, who took so many jabs at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the sponsors of the Golden Globe Awards, that I'm surprised the group doesn't ask for its Lifetime Achievement Award back. "This is the group that gave Pia Zadora with the best newcomer award just two years after giving me the same honor for "Mork and Mindy," he said. But Williams dedicated his award to late actor Christopher Reeve, so the rest of Williams' manic performance can be forgiven.

Now I must say goodbye. I'm meeting William Shatner who had this to say:

"I’m ready to party. I have a 6:30 call tomorrow to be Denny Crane. So I have until 5:30."

(Jim) Beam me up, Scotty?

Michelle Solomon's gossip column, Celebrity Chatter, appears each Monday. You can email Michelle at Michelle Solomon@Celebrity Chatter.