Fathers as Parents

The National Vital Statistics System reports there were more than 4.1 million births in the U.S. in 2004. Forty years ago, only about five percent of men were at their wives’ sides during labor and delivery. It was more common for men to be relegated to hospital waiting room until after the birth. However, today’s fathers are taking a more active role in parenthood. Now, about 95 percent of fathers are in the delivery room, providing labor “coaching” and emotional support for mom.

After birth, moms often take the brunt of care for a child. However, experts say fathers also have an important role. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, children with a loving and nurturing father tend to be happier and perform better in school. The children are also less likely to become aggressive, skip school, use drugs or alcohol or engage in delinquent or criminal activities.

Adjusting to Fatherhood

Having a baby is a big change for new moms and dads. Babies are totally dependent on their caregivers and need to be fed, diapered, clothed, held and comforted. Initially, a newborn may sleep for only an hour or two at a time, leaving mom and dad exhausted. As the mom concentrates on caring for the baby, the husband may feel left out and disconnected from the relationship. Men may also find themselves helpless or unprepared to deal with their wives’ emotional and physical changes during pregnancy and birth – or with the hormonal changes in the first few weeks after delivery.

Men may feel ambivalent in their newfound role as a father. Many men don’t know how to care for a newborn and are afraid to ask for help. Hospitals often have programs in place to teach new moms how to hold, breastfeed, bathe, and care for a newborn. Dads may not be invited, or may feel uncomfortable attending the sessions.

A baby can also be a big financial burden on some families. In two-income families, men may become the sole breadwinner. Sometimes, even if the mom goes back to work, a good portion of her income goes out to pay for child care. In addition to the lost income, the father suddenly has another person to feed and care for (formula, diapers, clothing, furniture, doctor’s bills, medicines, etc.).

A “Boot Camp for New Dads”

Women are often more prepared to be a parent than men. Girls usually have some practice playing with dolls, helping to care for younger siblings and babysitting. Thus, knowing how to become an involved father is not an instinctive process for many men.

Now, there’s “Boot Camp for New Dads.” The organization offers a three-hour program that’s just for men who are becoming new fathers. The session is led by a class facilitator, or “coach.” And it’s more of an interactive discussion and demonstration than a lecture. The facilitator is assisted by veteran dads – those who have already been through the program and have had a few months experience in caring for their own babies. Since the class is limited to men, class participants feel more comfortable asking questions and discussing concerns or fears associated with impending fatherhood and new or changing responsibilities. Using real babies for models, men learn how to hold an infant, change a diaper and clothing and burp the baby. Experienced dads give tips on topics like, handling a crying baby or dealing with the emotional changes in the new mom.

The goal of the daddy boot camp is to make men feel comfortable as active fathers right from birth. The program is available at more than 240 sites in 40 states. So far, roughly 150,000 new fathers have gone through the camp. For information, or referral to the nearest location, http://www.bcnd.org, or call (714) 838-9392. For information on the daddy boot camp, or referral to the nearest location, http://www.bcnd.org, or call (714) 838-9392.

For general information and tips on fatherhood:

The National Center for Fathering

National Family and Parenting Institute

National Fatherhood Initiative

United States Department of Health and Human Services, Promoting Responsible Fatherhood