Special Reports

9 Investigates: Inside the minds of men who abused women

By Erica Bryant, wsoctv.com
By Erica Bryant, wsoctv.com

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — In a Channel 9 investigation, we took a look inside the minds of domestic violence offenders.

Men who have previous arrests for assault on a female agreed to share their experience, and talk about the programs that they are now attending to seek treatment.

"I picked up a broomstick and I hit her," Ronald Moore said.

Moore clearly remembered abusing his former girlfriend.

"I always blamed it on me drinking," he said.

Alex Shanks recalls abusing his fiancé.

"I smacked her on the face," he said.
 
Shanks said that losing his job made him lash out.

"That was the breaking point really. It came down to the stress over the finances and bills," he said.

Moore and Shanks agreed to share their stories hoping to engage other men to end domestic violence.

Both men were arrested for their offenses, and both men are seeking help through local batterer intervention programs.

In the male group sessions, counselors cut through excuses and teach men that their violent behavior toward women is about power and control.

Shanks said he grew up in a household where the man made all the decisions.

So, he acted the same way.

He said what he is learning in class is helping him to change.

"If we want to show someone we love them, it is ok to show our feelings.  You don't have to be Mr. Macho all the time," said Alex.

Tony Porter is co-founder of A Call to Men.

The national violence prevention organization provides training and education for men, boys and communities.

As part of his work, Porter explains to men that there is a difference between domestic violence and anger management.
   
"If a man needs anger management work, that would mean he's going around beating everyone up. But, if his violence is selective to the person he's partnered with, he doesn't need anger management work. He manages his anger very well. He knows who to hit and who NOT to hit," said Porter.
   
Porter recently helped the NFL draft its new policy on domestic violence, player engagement and social responsibility.

Read our past coverage:

Porter says that the root cause of domestic violence is that our society is so heavily male dominated.
  
"We're looking at socialization. These men have been taught in their households that women are the property of men and that you can pretty much do with your property as you choose," said Porter.
   
Porter says that 80 percent of the time, men who abuse their intimate partners witnessed that type of behavior growing up.

Ronald Moore said as a child he witnessed his father abusing his mother physically, mentally and emotionally.

Moore said that he is learning coping skills in the batterer intervention program to help him choose different behaviors.

"I learned domestic violence, and I believe that I can unlearn domestic violence," said Ronald.

Moore said he closely followed the details of a local news story about a woman named Bianca Tanner.

READ MORE about the Biana Tanner case.

Tanner's boyfriend recently confessed to her murder.

Moore says that was his wake up call.

"It made me take a real good look at myself," Moore said. "It made me want to become involved and engaged in the fight against domestic violence."

Shanks said that his turning point came the moment his actions landed him behind bars.

“When you're incarcerated, you have nothing but time. You have time to think, and I knew I needed help,” said Shanks. “I didn’t want to be that person ever again.”

Moore and Shanks hope that other men who are abusive listen to and learn from their stories.

"They can be changed only if they want to be, otherwise it's a lost cause," Shanks said.

"If you look back from the beginning to where it's at now, it's not worth it," Moore said. "You're hurting your family and your children."

"When women speak to men, men don't listen," Porter said. "When men speak to men, men listen."

Tony Porter says his organization is trying to engage men to understand that ending domestic violence is partly their responsibility.  He says if women could have ended the violence by themselves, they would have.

Porter encourages men who are not abusive to join the effort.

"Men have to stand up, speak out, get involved and really re-think what we are teaching our sons and other boys about healthy, responsible manhood," says Porter. "We know that where healthy, respectful, responsible manhood increases – domestic and sexual violence decreases."

Resources for men who are abusive: Batterer intervention programs

Resources for men: Violence prevention efforts

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Resources for Domestic Violence Victims and Survivors

  • Mecklenburg County Domestic Violence Crisis Line | Telephone: 704-332-2513

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