'The Watercooler' - Weirdest Web Stories Of The Week

by: Jason Rice, web producer Updated:

None —

HOWARD STERN'S SIDEKICK ATTEMPTS SUICIDE

For the most part the 'King of all Media', Howard Stern, has stayed out of the headlines since his move to Sirius Radio in 2006.

Well now there's two stories that have catapulted him back to the top of the entertainment sections.

The first of the two is a not-so-good story that has come out this week.

Stern's long-time sidekick, comedian Artie Lange, attempted to committ suicide last weekend by violently stabbing himself nine times according to the New York Post -- READ.

Lange's mom frantically called 911 after finding her son bloodied in his Hoboken apartment on Saturday morning, a law-enforcement source said.

Surgeons managed to save Lange's life despite heavy bleading.

Stern commented on the news on his radio show saying, "We all have our demons. Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE OF STERN

Stern has created some buzz after announcing on his radio show this week that he will hold a $100,000 Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant.

Stern casually mentioned the idea before taking a vacation for the holidays but upon returning said that the idea is a go despite the drastic drop in prize money, which originally was supposed to be seven-figures.

Longtime Stern Show advertizer Ashley Madison is sponsoring the contest but a date has not yet been set.

The idea is genius for ratings but there's only one problem with it ... the girls of Tiger Woods are most likely receiving offers for more than $100,000 just for an interview these days.

Stern Show producer Gary Dell'Abate (aka "Baba Booey") reported on the show that he has been in contact with a new woman who claims to have had an affair with Tiger Woods who has yet to come public with the news.

We'll see how the contest develops and how many of the girls actually agree to do it ... one thing is for sure ... they have plenty to choose from.

MARIAH CAREY'S DOUBLE WACKINESS

Pop diva Mariah Carey was finally recognized for her acting career but she didn't accept the award very gracefully earlier this week.

Carey was plastered as she gave her acceptance speech after winning an award at the Palm Springs Film Festival earlier this week.

Mimi took home the prize for Breakthrough Actress for her role in 'Precious' but when she tried to speak she realized that she was too drunk to get any words out.

Carey attempted to explain her behavior on Thursday saying she rushed to receive the award and didn't eat enough while drinking champagne -- READ.

"If people don't understand me and think I'm just like this girl that stands by a microphone and sings 'Hero,' then they're definitely not going to get me," she explained. "But if people knew me better, they would understand I have a sense of humor, and basically that's what gets me through life."

Watch the video as she admits to having way too much to drink and then check out a SLIDESHOW of the drunken speech RIGHT HERE.

She wasn't done there. The very next night Carey rambled on forever as she accepted another award this time for Favorite R&B Artist at Wednesday's People's Choice Awards.

She appeared to be sober this time but she was wrapped tightly in a mermaid-style white dress and was very unsteady on her feet as she attempted to walk to the stage.

She got help from her husband Nick Cannon who basically carried her up to the podium.

Watch:

JIMMIE JOHNSON & WIFE EXPECTING 1ST CHILD

So, four-time defending NASCAR champion, Jimmie Johnson and his wife Chandra are expecting their first child in July -- READ.

The news of racing's most dominant driver soon to become a dad does spark up a whole lot of questions looking forward ... but just maybe not the types of questions that Jim Pedley of Racin' Today had in mind.

In his blog on Sportingnews.com, Pedley has a few comical, outrageous questions/tips for the soon-to-be dad. Here are some of the funniest ones and read the rest of them RIGHT HERE.

• "I wonder if the decision to have a child had to be cleared through Chad Knaus."

• "I wonder that if it so happens that quadruplets are born, will Jimmie make a run for quintuplets next year."

• "I suggest presents to the child from Uncle Tony be thoroughly screened."

• "I wonder if Chad will be on the headphones to Jimmie and Chandra during those crucial moments in the hospital."

• "I suggest that Uncle Junior not be allowed to drive mom to the hospital."

VINCE VAUGHN SETTLES DOWN

Nobody saw this coming ... 'Couples Retreat' star Vince Vaughn, 39, tied the knot on January 2 to his girlfriend of more than a year Kyla Weber, 31.

So who is Kyla Weber and what movies has she been in? None, she is a real estate agent from Calgary.

Vaughn met Weber in 2008 on a trip to Venice Beach and the two have been inseparable since.

Their relationship heated up over the last year and Weber moved to L.A. to be with Vaughn and he popped the question last Valentine's Day with a $125,000, four-carat ring.

Recently, Vaughn told USA Today, "I am in a very happy, serious, committed relationship." And even told PEOPLE that he is finally ready to become a father. "It's the first time that I really want to have kids," he said.

It's good to see that Vince didn't fall into the proverbial 'celebrity marriages' that seem to be doomed from the start.

MAN WINS 3RD STRAIGHT ULTIMATE COUCH POTATO CONTEST

ESPN Zone in Chicago held its annual Ultimate Couch Potato Contest last week and the same dude has swept the competition for the third straight year.

Local real estate business owner Jeff Miller took his seat on Friday against three other competitors to see who could watch the most consecutive hours of televised sports without falling asleep and only using the bathroom every eight hours.

Miller claimed the title at 4:21 a.m. Monday when the last remaining competitor fell asleep, but he was not done there. Miller would continue on until 10 a.m. to beat the Guiness Book World Record and log 72-hours of nonstop sports watching.

In addition to the Couch Potato trophy, Miller took home a new big-screen TV, a recliner and free cable for a year.

THE MUPPETS: BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

This YouTube video of the Muppets performing Bohemian Rhapsody is brilliant and is a double flashback from childhood.

The video has been viewed by nearly 12 million people on YouTube and the only thing that I am wondering is why I am just seeing this.

Enjoy!