CHARLOTTE, N.C. — In many cases of domestic violence, there are people who know what’s going on but do nothing about it.
Often they don't even know the couple personally.
Whether it’s a neighbor who hears ongoing abuse or someone who witnesses a stranger being abused, calling police or intervening can save lives.
There are certain steps you need to take to do it safely.
“She was a good person, a very good person,” said Mike Phillips, reflecting on his his wife Donna.
They were married 12 years when one night they saw a neighbor dragging his wife outside with her hands tied behind her back.
The couple had a history of domestic violence.
Donna immediately sprang into action and told him to leave the woman alone.
"And started pushing him away," Phillips said. “And he pulled a gun and shoots her in the leg and then the head.”
Just like that, Donna was gone.
The man then shot and killed his wife, and later killed himself.
Mike's new wife, Rebecca, also knew Donna back then.
“When she saw someone in distress, bound up, she was going to run down there and help. Now, I don’t think she knew he had a gun she wasn't planning to die that day,” Rebecca said.
It’s a brutal reminder of how dangerous domestic violence can be for anyone who gets involved.
- CLICK PLAY: Capt. Ken Schul tells how to get involved the smart way
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Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Capt. Ken Schul said people should get involved the smart way.
"Pull the phone out immediately and dial 911. Tell him ‘I’m calling 911,’ then back off,” Schul said.
Schul said people who report domestic abuse could potentially be called as a witness in a criminal trial.
Tell police where you are, what the suspect looks like, and if there is a weapon.
You can also practice what experts call the 3 Ds.
- Distract: Creating a distraction can be a non-confrontational way to intervene and keep a dangerous situation from escalating. Ask for directions, the time, or help looking for a lost item.
- Delegate: Even if you don't know the victim and the abuser, someone else nearby might. Their friends might be in a better position to get involved. At a bar, find a bouncer, or in a store look for a manager.
- Direct: The direct approach can be the most dangerous, but could involve something as simple as letting the abuser know you're watching them or ask the victim what's wrong and offer help.
"She would come to work crying, afraid to go home, she didn't know what she would go home to,” said Jason Timmons, who called police when his coworker in Charlotte showed signs of repeated abuse by her boyfriend. "Then she sent me pictures of her face, her legs, and her arms. So I went into work for her, and I called 911."
Timmons said police arrested the abuser but he was shocked by what happened next.
"She was mortified, and got mad at me for calling the cops. She said I betrayed her and I was just dumbfounded,” Timmons said.
Police said that reaction is not uncommon.
In many cases the victim of abuse will actually defend their attacker when you intervene.
But if police are never called, many cases end tragically.
Phillips knows all too well what getting physically involved can mean, after losing his wife.
"She’s the kind of person who will help you no matter what’s going on,” he said.
He knows domestic violence can be stopped, even by strangers, if more people are willing to do something.
WSOC
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